On January 9, 2018, my video 4 things about alone and abroad got featured on a Facebook fan page for Vietnamese study abroad students.
To my surprise, the video has gone a bit viral on the Facebook community in Vietnam, especially within the niche of Vietnamese students who study abroad. Last time I checked in March, the video has over 700k views, more than 10k shares on Facebook, got featured on many Facebook sites, and even on a page called Viral Channel in Vietnam.
The number drove to my Youtube & Instagram accounts was not that overwhelming, but I got to connect to so many people that watched my video, which is the best thing that you can have when you create contents. The viral fever lasted shortly, and my life hasn’t changed much, but this experience helped me learn so much as a creator, and a person.
1. Viet people have a big need to express emotion, yet they found few outlets for that
In fact, maybe even more male than female viewers messaged me
The best thing about this experience was that I got to connect to so many strangers. Through my channel, I seemed to be someone whom they could trust, and I’m so flattered for that. People messaged me about their abroad experience, the time that they feel lonely, or just thanked me for making them want to tell their stories. Thank you for sharing, people, it really made me feel less alone and feel happy because I can connect to you.
I was also surprised to receive messages from many male viewers expressing the feelings above. In fact, maybe even more male than female viewers messaged me. The intentions of these men had nothing to do with flirting, they just wanted to share.
This was really surprising because I thought my content would attract more female, and I know that Viet men often hide their emotions. I realized that Viet men, just like men and women anywhere, have a big need to talk out their vulnerability, they just don’t find lots of spaces like that in our culture.
2. Take me or leave me
My insecurities were big as a truck, but my desire to speak up was 1% bigger
This simple video actually took me 2 years to make. I edited it in my slow ass laptop in 2 weeks, but it took me 2 years to have the courage to put it to the public. Back then I knew very very little about shooting videos and editing. And most of all, I was just too damn scared of publishing something this personal to the Internet.
I was afraid people would think of me like this depressed queen. My family and friends would worry about me and think I’m weak. I was afraid people would trash me with petty thoughts, because at that time, I really thought trash things about myself. My insecurities were big as a truck, but my desire to speak up was 1% bigger, so I made it, I shared it. I was fortunate enough to have people like it.
Since that day, I have gone on and talk more about other uncomfortable truths, like feeling not confident being a hairy girl, or not feeling fit in the US. Some videos got views quickly because of the keywords, some slowly struggled just to have 100 views. Today I have more than 1k subscribers, and I’m still experimenting with numbers. But I got to relate to many strangers and hear their stories, and maybe helped them feel better after 3 minutes. So really, I have nothing to complain.
3. I am not my art
The praises are nice, but they do not necessarily help me improve my work.
Repeat: the praises, the feedback, the comments, they’re not always gonna help me improve my work, not all the time.
After getting more attention, of course, I grew to be more obsessed with what people think. If I create something people love, I’m happy. If my video isn’t well-received, I am destroyed.
I remember that week of January, I had this three amazing “viral” days that boosted my confidence to the 2nd floor. Then by Saturday, while editing the next video (Vietnamese food in films), I was so anxious my followers would not like the next content.
This up and down mood swing is so dangerous for a creator in the long run. Getting recognition for your work is always flattering, but you can’t let that define you.
As I continued to share my contents, I realize that I have to learn to detach myself from my work. The praises are nice, but they do not necessarily help me improve my work. Repeat: the praises, the feedback, the comments, they’re not always gonna help me improve my work, not all the time.
I am not my art, I tell myself. The subscribers I gained not reflect the hours I spent editing on a Saturday night, while my friends all went out to do fun stuff. This video about Alone and Abroad is not me, this vlog about being a hairy girl is not me.
Instead, I try to find my value in who I am in my everyday life. In what I do to other people and the world. In what my actions say about the kind of person I am. I have a life outside of my contents. My life is defined by what I do in the here and now—not by what I create.
4. The only person to compare
The person I am yesterday, today, and in the future, can be completely different.
Each day there are tons and tons of videos become viral for all sort of reasons, mine was just lucky to have this 3-second fame. After putting more of my stuff online, I spent hours each day scrolling down other creators’ profiles.
I learned a lot but I also couldn’t stop comparing myself with others. I was always in some invisible competitions with any creative people I met, whether online or offline. It was crazy unhealthy.
After a while, I realized that the only person I should compare with is myself. The person I am yesterday, today, and in the future, can be completely different.
As I have continued sharing things I created, I have learned to create a standard for my success- it is considered successful when my creative work today is better than yesterday, and I don’t give up on learning. That is it. There are always pressure and competition to put myself in, but at the end of the day, there’s only me.
If I’m too harsh on myself 24/7, I don’t think I can survive longer than 3 minutes in the creative field. Oh well, we’ll see.
Illustration All Hands Pattern by Ana Seixas @ Behance
hienlahanhdong 